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Without denying the substantial benefits I have derived from my treatments, I nonetheless believe that the maintenance of health depends as much upon the promotion of wellness as it does upon the combating of disease.
My reticence regarding traditional medicine does not result from want of experience–indeed, I have spent so much time in hospitals during my life that I am all too familiar with traditional treatments.
Born with various congenital defects, my life has been a blur of cardiac, thoracic, and gastrointestinal surgeries, and by the age of five, I was as familiar with taking medication as I was with eating cornflakes.
The following are specific comments on the individual paragraphs of your essay: This is the most important paragraph of the piece. Your original first paragraph alluded to your work experience, juxtaposing the effectiveness of Western and alternative medicine.
This is a fine approach, but you have a much more compelling detail–the story of your own illness–that could illustrate your point much more effectively.
Unfortunately, such knowledge did not come to my mother.
A few years after my medical epiphany, she was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease of unknown etiology.Spending many hours by his side, I have seen how the combination of oriental medicine with traditional Western pharmaceuticals has worked wonders in helping him maintain his vitality.Spending time with him in the hospital, I have massaged his muscles to relieve myalgias and provided him with the moral support that is crucial to effective recovery.Since my mother raised me, her beliefs dictated my own health care treatments.We did not consider any alternative therapies to help with my childhood illnesses; all the relief I received came with a prescription.Her edits added much color and a great flow to my essay.I loved the way she articulated my ideas so masterfully. I am definitely going to seek her services as I work on my secondaries.”Dear Jane, I read your essay with great interest.By contrast, my maternal grandparents seemed driven by an almost morbid obsession with disease.Although they sought aggressive Western medical treatments, my maternal grandparents ultimately passed on fifteen years ago, while my paternal set are still leading healthy lives into their nineties.When I went to college and became ill again, I decided that it was time for me to try something new.I turned to my paternal grandparents for advice, asking my grandmother about herbal treatments, nutrition, and lifestyle.