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I’m also not sure if it made any difference to her, but maybe. Maybe she left the gym with our interaction in mind, rather than the one with the woman. I told him I wanted to spread as much love as possible. You can find out more about me, my mission to spread love, and my writing at my site.
I think it’s to help us streamline our interactions with others and improve our relationships.
Life’s events are hard enough to navigate as they are, so by detecting other people’s desires and reasoning, we reduce complexity.
It drives me crazy how we make each other greater than and less than, and how we strive to distance ourselves from the “less thans” in desperate pursuit of a seat at the “greater than” table.
And it made a difference to me, to connect with another human being and share a smile, and a few laughs, and some good old fashioned kindness. He rolled his eyes, until he realized I was serious.
Wouldn’t that allow us to interact with others based on what’s going on, rather than who we think they are? Or maybe one they they were forced to make, even if it wasn’t so?
Because the only way we can really understand why people act the way they do is by assembling a picture of the context that they acted in. Getting a grasp on the many factors that went into other people’s choices is a process of discovery.Note: This is a guest essay by Scott Stabile Today I did exactly what I was judging someone else for doing, the very moment I was judging it. I watched as a woman at the gym treated the maintenance woman with general disdain, as if the woman cleaning the gym were somehow less than those of us working out at the gym. Knowing the one person in class who likes you the least makes it easier to find your clique.The problem with comparison approaches, like actions or intentions, then, is that they neglect that much of who we are is contextual. By pinning a small sample of observations on other people’s character, we render the contrast void before we even make it.We want to find out who to engage with and who to avoid.In a business negotiation, clarifying the wants of all involved parties is the quickest way to close a deal. Treating her poorly, even in my mind, only feeds the vast separation that already exists. Sadly, most of those systems are fundamentally flawed.When you criticize a coworker for being late to a meeting, but let yourself off the hook for ‘really trying hard’ the next time you’re stuck in traffic, the outside world will label you a hypocrite, maybe rightfully so. Both systems, even if practiced to a tee, put you under constant pressure to remain rigid in a world of permanent change.Regardless of which philosophy you grew up with, the message is, when choosing your own system as an adult, be consistent. No matter which basis of judgements you choose, you’ll quickly run into instances where you’ll want to change that basis. Maybe your girlfriend cheated on you, but you really want to forgive her.